Dr. Nutcracker has an actual PhD in psychology but has been banned from practicing in 34 states and the European Union. Luckily, there are no laws against dispensing advice on the internet.
Warning: This page contains adult content and a childish attitude
OK, he gets it. You just can't handle your insignificant problems. To ask Dr Nutcracker a question and see even more advice, try his hash space.
I recently came across a bump-her sticker that said, "Porn, it's better than dating!"
I am a little confused by this message and I was wondering if you could shed some light on this.
Good question; thanks for asking! I came up with a list of reasons, since there ain't just one.
Top 10 Reasons Porn is better than Dating
Quote : "Lets see-- I've been to PAAVO maybe 8 times and the running and strip clubs are not a motivator anymore."
A very good friend of mine needs help; what would you suggest I do to get him back on trail? He seems to be suffering from lack of give a shit!
Sincerely, Egg Beater
Thanks for asking. I wish I knew who said that, as it would be much easier to diagnose the problem if I knew the mental disorders with which we were dealing. There's something about the question, tone, and number of trips to PAAVO that make me think the disordered source of that quote must be NUTFARMER. I imagine my answer might be same regardless of whether or not NF said that, so here goes.
WTF!!!!???? (screamed in my loudest fokking voice). WHO in their right mind goes to Paavo to RUN or go to STRIP CLUBS? After going once, those with superior mental abilities would realize to NOT FOKKIN RUN. Who the hell wants to run with a hangover ...caused by seeing not-so-attractive strippers? And then spend 5, 6.2, 13.1, or 26.2 miles farting up Hurley's finest restaurant food? OK, OK, it took me a few years to figure it out, but I am just saying that someone with less than half a mind should be able to figure it out after one year. MORE FOKKIN IMPORTANTLY, who the fokk would go to Hurley to see strippers? Oh, that's right, Madison hardly has any strip joints. But still!!! Save some fokking coin and travel to any other city. From what I have read, Atlanta and Houston have some of the finest looking strippers. Back to Madison's lack of strip joints, I've heard it has to be with the "liberal" majority attempting to stop the "exploitation of women." Apparently, the fokks who believe that strippers are exploited have never been to a "gentlemen's club." I've known strippers who bought mansions and BMW's due to their EXPLOITATION OF MEN. Not to be too fokking harsh, but I always thought it was the women who couldn't get a job stripping even in Hurley who complained loudest about the exploitation of women. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_feminism for a different view. The entire article is interesting, but this quote is pure gold, "Individualist feminists ...support the legalization of marijuana, which has been widely reported to prolong female orgasm while delaying male ejaculation."
And wassup with prostitution? It is often referred to as "selling your body." First, it seems more like renting than selling. Second, aren't many folks selling or renting their minds at work? I mean my fokking job sometimes gets under my mind skin and drives me fokking crazy even when I am not at work. Why aren't more mental jobs considered bad? Why is renting your body worse than renting your mind? What about professional football players who rent their bodies and wind up broken and addicted to pain killers? I bet my left NUT that prostitutes (at least good, honest ones) create more happiness than most other professions. FOKK, I forgot to pay my lawyer!
Of course, bad shit happens to some sex workers. And bad shit happens to other folks as well. Paavo's fun because you get to spend time with friends in a beautiful, inexpensive place on earth.
Dear Dr. Nutcracker,
What's a hot article of clothing to leave on during sex? and should I hide the handcuffs?
Dear Heave HO,
A Siberian PARKA in Texass!!! Seriously, I doubt you are HEAVE HO, as she would never HURL any questions at me. I received this question in an odd way and the anonymous writer attributed the question to HEAVE. Anywho, when I try to answer questions like this one, I have to think about what I like, so it will be an answer about what a woman should leave on since I ain't gay (sorry DIEGO FAYGO). If it were HEAVE HO that I was forced to think about, then I would have to say that hottest thing you could wear would be a vomit bag. Recall the time you vomited in my Jeep at Paavo. Well, you probably don't remember it but get LIKES IT to explain it as she was the one who pointed your head in my Jeep. Here's a pic to help your memory!
OK, enough already, what is a hot article of clothing? Given my predilection for DOGGY STYLE, I'd have to say a cowgirl hat (while she is in DOGGY STYLE or reverse cowgirl). On the other hand, that is, on the other women, at this sexual fest, they could be wearing NURSE's outfits. Yeah, I know that is a typical fantasy and I used to have it, but after being around hospitals and seeing how nurses really look (no offense to Nurse hashers), I would just like to see at least one sexy nurse. I also think the following look hot -- school girl uniform, Harley gear, teacher's outfit, cop's uniform, maid's uniform, blue jean shirt, just a neck tie, just an apron, edible undies, nothing but honey, my momma's clothes...Hell, you get the idea -- most anything looks hot on a hot woman!!!
Regarding the handcuffs, if you wanna use them on her, you should probably hide them, until you get the feeling that she trusts you. If you wanna be cuffed, just show 'em to her and tell your cuffing fantasy. If she cuffs you, licks your balls for 30 seconds, and then steals all your shit and leaves, she wasn't right for you anyway. Trust me, I've been there.
Dear Dr. Nutcracker,
I love hashing. I mean all the running, camaraderie, drinking and everything is just wonderful. But I detest the constant groping by some of the older hash men who dribble when they see me. Do you have any advice that might help me?
Unfortunately, men are pigs and old hash men in particular find it difficult to control themselves, especially when confronted with tasty treats such as yourself. They often target young women who they believe are naive and easily intimidated. To address this hard question, I consulted another wise and tasty treat, Burning Bush. She said, "Several years ago, while I was attending a midwestern junior college, I witnessed a masturbation incident. I was walking in the parking lot when a middle-aged man pulled up beside me in his car, driving slowly enough to match my pace. He had a look of absolute rage on his face. I had never seen this man before, so I couldn't imagine why he was looking at me with such hatred. I noticed that he was masturbating. I began screaming, as loud as I possibly could, "Pervert! He's jacking off. Can you believe that? Pervert!" The car's tires squealed and the man was gone. He couldn't get out of there fast enough." What an excellent story! I imagine if women took this approach to inappropriate men, the pigmen would be much less likely to return to the hash or perhaps even do it in the first place. Just yell really loudly when you call a pigman a pervert. If done this way, I'll bet inappropriate groping will come to a screeching halt.