Madison Hash House Harriers

February 17, 2007

HASH HISTORY?? - Meanwhile Back in Madison... The "Down Sout" Mini-Hash

As Witnessed by POOPEYE

While the bulk of the hash deserted their homebase for the "Up Nort" ski weekend, the dedicated few who remained held a "Down Sout" mini-hash to keep the Olympic flame alive in the face of their cowardly desertion. Since it was a mini-hash, we had a mini-hare in AH SHIT. The trailhead was designated the Crystal Corner and a bold band met indoors for dollar domestics (since when is New Glarus, Wisconsin not domestic?). The mini-hare told us that he was live haring to the first beer check and to give him til 3:30 for a head start. He was shrewdly aware of the fact that a passel of hashers indoors on a snowy winter's day surrounded by $1 Old Styles were in no rush to leave and chase a hairy hare. Come 3:45, our intrepid band staggered out into the winter sun. And saw a check right there on the doorstep of the Crystal! BEER NUTS yelled "Checking!" and ran back into the bar. Minus the hare to guide us, the rest of us foolishly followed him back in. Several more beers later we realized that we hadn't seen any flour for at least 20 minutes and we sloshed back out to the check on the doorstep. Burp. Excuse me. Eagle-eyed HEAVE HO noted that AH had run off to the left up Willy St. and was probably trying to fool us so we ran also left 'cause we were too smart for him. And promptly got lost. The trail had been set DC style which apparently means that the cost of flour is so high that one must conserve. Eventually, we found that the beer check was at AH SHIT's palatial manse on East Dayton. The mini-BC was complete with M&M's, a statue of a horny Moses, tequila shots and an EGG BEATER and READY PRICK-O-WATT. Tequila? As it was a "Down Sout"-themed run, tequila shots were just part of the ambiance... CLITIGATOR tried to chicken out due to some purported illness, but was promptly reminded of tequila's antibacterial properties. Those in need were also given Hawaiian style shirts from AH's collection to wear for full Down Sout flavor. We were sent out from the SHIThouse with directions to proceed east to the Yahara. Trail led us straight north and onto the ice of Lake Mendota where the hash spotted a group of kite skiers! Snow skis and Kites on Ice! Amidst cries of "So cool!!" and "I want to do that!!" we ran through the snow while one of the skiers zoomed toward us and, at the last second pulled back on his controls to be pulled up into the sky and sail over our heads and land several dozen yards away. While HEAVE HO and CRACKASHOWME goggled so hard they had to push their eyeballs back into their sockets while the rest of the pack had gone on ahead to the shore. EGG and READY yelled back for a picture! HEAVE flashed a blazing white moon for the crowd just as the skier was racing back for another pass. Talk about "a deer in the headlights"!!! Lucky he didn't wipe out! The trail continued on up East Johnson for what seemed like weeks until we stopped for the second beer check at the Caribou. En route, we were joined by autohashers FROGGY STYLE and RETURN TO GENDER. This beer check, being in a bar was BYOB (Buy Your Own damn Beer) but we managed to triple the Caribou's attendance and, as we left, the bartender thanked us for giving her such a rush. Dirty innuendoes ensued. We hashed on back to the Crystal for our mini-on-in. We self-administered down-downs (I gave myself the Doggy Style award in the men's room) and acquired a latecomer new boot JUST TAYLOR who fell for the whole "What the hell are you guys doing" routine! We declined to give her the full "Why was she born so beautiful" treatment since she was in a wheelchair which would have put her a little too close to the action. We settled for "The Jolly Hasher" song and she was heard to be humming it for the rest of the evening.

Photos by EGGBEATER