Madison Hash House Harriers

July 26, 2008

HASH HISTORY - HASH RUN #1616

Der dauerlauf commenced at Willow Run Park in Cottage Grove. Co-hares were JUST HELMUT, LORENA CARROT, and super-secret trail helper BEER NUTS, plus beer-check frauleins BLOW HOLE and COLONEL MUSTARD aka Colonel McGimpster. Lending an authentic flair to the German-themed hash were actual Germans, imported from the Stuttgart area by JUST HELMUT. Lifelong world travels, JUST DIETER and JUST CHRISTINA had been looking forward to their first trip ever to these United States, and der dauerlauf took place on their second day here. "Welcome to the U.S. - let's HASH!" A few hashers dressed sorta German-ish: BLOW HOLE in handmade, traditional fraulein attire ... CARROT in garb that the REAL Germans politely said looked "more Swedish" ... LIKES IT in a flouncy pink dress with lace trim ... and MONKEY BOY in a tight, black pleather dress with zippers everywhere - his interpretation of edgy German club-wear. BLOW HOLE handed out traditional flower hair ornaments to visitor JUST CHRISTINA and to harriettes TRAILER TRASH, X-PILES, ICUF, WORLD-CLASS KNOCKERS, BEARABOOBS, CAIRO PYRO, and ZAMBONER. The weather was sweltering - truly the doggie-style days of summer. Shiggy included a sand-and-gravel lot where hashers were forced to scale several loose limestone hurdles, prompting Likes It to adopt an ironic mantra: "I don't like this, I don't like this." At the first beer check, fraulein BLOW HOLE and das COLONEL served up Point beer to give the Germans a down-and-dirty intro to Wisconsin brews. A second beer check entailed a hike up a super-steep der dauerlauf-ish hill with "WTF?" at the top ... plus more Point beer. The on-on was (surprise!) a 10-second jaunt down the other side of the hill to JUST HELMUT's house. Food consisted of a boatload of brats ... plus sauerkraut that met the approval of the REAL Germans, cupcakes that didn't meet their approval as German fare (turns out, German chocolate cake was named after an American guy named Sam German), and many mini-kegs of German pilsner. Seizing the opportunity to raise the level of half-minds' cultural sophistication, NUT FARMER presented impromptu German language lessons, including: "beer" = "bier" and "pornography" = "pornografie." NUT then asked the half-minds to repeat the translations over and over, to increase retention of the correct pronunciations. Der dauerlauf merriment continued until 11 p.m., but who knows who actually won the hash awards? They may or may not have been: EGGBEATER for auto-hashing on the bumper of someone's SUV ... READY for napping in a chair parked in someone's driveway ... BEER NUTS, MONKEY, and ICUF for sneaking potted shiggy into someone's vehicle ... STROKES for finally catching up one block from the on-in following repeated phone calls to hashers, asking for their current location ... KAKA for speaking German suspiciously well ... WC KNOCKERS for using dirty German words she learned in Austria ... DRIBS for winning the brat-eating contest ... and COCO for quaffing the most bier. Prost!